Adrienne Kloecker 

A New Face to the Funeral Business

Happy New Year to all! 2024 marks my fourth year of providing meaningful blogs through “A New Face to the Funeral Business.” Every year I make it a goal to write more blogs than I did the year before, but usually life gets busy. For example, birthing another child and some more or less exciting obstacles get in the way. However, as I look back and see the blogs written in the past, I realize that I was prompted by an experience that I just HAD to share. I find that sharing experiences is much more meaningful than giving lessons, how to’s, and tips on funeral services. A few months ago, Francis and I had the pleasure of welcoming a group of Seminarians from St. Mark’s Seminary in Erie for a “Day in the life” and tour of the funeral home. When Fr. Renne, Associate Director of Seminarians, asked Francis and I to talk to the seminarians, my initial reaction was what on earth do you want us to talk about? The more I thought about the opportunity to sit down with future priests, the more I thought, you know what—I bet they have never heard the funeral director’s side of what makes a meaningful funeral. Of course the traditions, the symbols used during the Mass, the participation of family members during the service, etc. all play a huge role in making a meaningful funeral, but why is all of that important? What are families really looking for in a funeral service? People love to use the phrase a “Celebration of Life.” Of course that is the preferred way to say funeral—the very nature of the words make the “event” less sad. Some definitions of “Celebration of Life” describe it as a primary focus on the life that the loved one lived. Some say it’s less rooted in tradition and focuses on celebrating the life. Most people think that a Celebration of Life and a Funeral are two different events. Let’s be honest, whenever a gathering occurs and the purpose of the gathering is to remember and honor a person who passed away, that event is going to be sad. That is the point of a funeral. A funeral is a safe place to have those feelings, to cry, to mourn the death, to be with family and friends, to tell stories, to laugh, and then to cry again. It is necessary for families to have a funeral, but it does not look the same for every family, and that is okay. There are plenty of families that want visiting hours and a service at the funeral home instead of at a church. There are families who would prefer having more of a party style “Celebration of Life” at a restaurant or bar. Some want a combination of both. No matter what, there is a need to hold some sort of an event for the specific purpose of remembering the person who died. When a family goes without having any funeral, that grieving process is lengthened. When a funeral is planned, the community is made aware of the loss and they have an opportunity to come and pay their respects, or at least send a card or message to the family. If no funeral occurs, the community, friends, and even distant relatives end up “paying their respects” the first time they see the family. This makes the funeral occur in any moment, in any location, and most times becomes an awkward conversation at a grocery store. Again, without a funeral of any kind, the grieving process is prolonged. I believe that one of our strengths at Kloecker Funeral Home is that we are not sales people. We don’t have a thirty slide presentation for the family to sit through during their darkest time. We listen to the family first and foremost. Then we try to create a funeral that is meaningful to that specific family. We don’t push merchandise. We try to make this process easier for the family while giving them space to grieve in their own way. To wrap up my seminarian story, I made sure to tell the seminarians that family participation is key, listening and really putting in effort to talk to the family goes a long way, and then incorporating that information into the funeral makes a world of a difference. There are many priests, pastors, and ministers already creating beautiful funeral services in the Erie Community, but there is always room for more discussion and hearing the needs of families. God Bless, Adrienne (Kloecker) Kalivoda Bringing A New Face to the Funeral Business

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The Purpose of Writing an Obituary

I have been a funeral director for almost four years now. It still amazes me when a family comes in after their mother or father passed away, and they have no idea what the deceased wanted for a funeral. Usually that family also has trouble finding which bank their parents used, whether or not they had a life insurance policy, if they had a cemetery plot, etc. I think the problem is that the funeral industry is looked at as a cold, scary place. It is hard to think about what is going to happen after you die and for some people, it is a scary process to make pre-arrangements. For that reason, I want to walk you through a typical pre-arrangement and hopefully by the end of this blog you will feel more prepared and a little more at ease when it comes to making that first appointment. Gathering of Information The primary purpose of making pre-arrangements is to get all of your information down. There are plenty of times that a family comes in after a loved one has passed away and they can’t find the social security number or they don’t know if the person earned their associates degree or bachelors degree. When we sit down for a pre-arrangement, the first part is getting the vital information. This information includes: full name, social security number, address, date of birth, place of birth, highest level of education, father’s name, mother’s name including her maiden name, occupation, veterans information, spouses information, and next of kin. As you can see, most of that information is easy to write down for yourself, but could you answer all of those questions about your mother or father? Would you know all of that off the top of your head? Most people have to dig through paperwork or make a few phone calls in order to find that info, which is why gathering that ahead of time is a huge relief for your family. Planning The Funeral The next segment of a pre-arrangement is the part people get nervous about. I usually start with, “Now that we have all of the information down, let’s talk about your funeral. What do you envision happening after you pass away?” Some people have a general idea of what type of funeral they would like, some lay out every detail of the funeral, and some give me a blank stare. For the people who haven’t thought much about their own funeral, I start to prompt with questions such as: Do you want to have visiting hours with the casket open? Do you want to have a church service or a service at the funeral home? Is cremation something you have thought about? What is going to happen with your remains after the services? is there a burial, scattering, or is a family member going to take your cremains home? These questions give me a sense of direction in order to get to the details of what type of services the person wants. At this point, we have the backbone of what the funeral is going to entail, and that alone will relieve stress for the family when the time comes. There are plenty of people who will stop at this point and say that their family can choose the rest of the details. That is completely okay, but I will say that the more details you have down, the more your family can focus on each other and taking care of their own feelings rather than worrying about getting all the arrangements finalized. Some extra details that can be beneficial to have down in your pre-arrangements are as follows: Type of casket/color of casket Type of vault Type of urn Writing an obituary template Choosing a prayer for the prayer card Picking songs and readings for the service Picking the types of flowers you prefer Choosing an outfit Suggesting a memorial to make donations Purchasing the burial plot Putting extra money away for the luncheon Pre-Payment Options The final step of making a pre-arrangement is going over the price of all the chosen funeral goods and services. I walk you through each price on the list and give you a total price of the funeral. At this point I answer any questions and make changes if necessary. I never pressure anyone to pre-pay for a funeral, but I do want the person to think about how their family would pay for these services at the time of death. If you have life insurance, I typically will write down the company and policy number in our file so that your family doesn’t have to search for that information later. At the time of death, life-insurance assignments can be made to the funeral home in order to pay for the funeral. I will also walk through the benefits of pre-paying for a funeral. At this moment, we have two options for pre-paying a funeral. The first is through a trust at Northwest Bank. Checks that are written for a pre-arrangement are sent to Northwest Bank and placed into an irrevocable funeral trust. This means that no one is able to take that money out until the time of death, we cannot touch it, the government cannot touch it, nursing homes cannot touch it, and other family members cannot touch it. The other option is through Loyal Christian Benefits Association (LCBA). This method of pre-payment is through an insurance company. Depending on your age, health, and personal preference we can place the money into an annuity or a life insurance policy. This option also allows payments to be made over time and LCBA products are irrevocably assigned to the funeral home which has the same benefits as the irrevocable funeral trust. There aren’t too many funeral homes that still guarantee the funeral when it is pre-paid, but we still honor that policy. Let’s say that the funeral was $10,000 and you wrote a check for that amount. As time goes on, inflation will increase the price of that same funeral. Guaranteeing the funeral means that we are hoping that the interest that is generated from the trust will cover inflation over time. Let’s say that the amount in the trust at the time of death does not cover the funeral, we will never ask the family for more money, we take the loss. Now, if the family at the time of death makes changes, such as adding a limo or something that was not on the original contract, that would be the only time we ask the family for additional money. Like I said, pre-payment is not a necessary step to making pre-arrangements, but it is definitely beneficial for the family. Taking That First Step My hope is that while reading this blog, you have become a little less hesitant when it comes to making your own pre-arrangements. Typically the entire meeting does not last more than an hour and if it goes longer, it’s because we are chitchatting about something happening in life. I cannot emphasize it enough, putting your information down and giving your family some sort of direction is so important. Even by the end of this, if you are still uncomfortable meeting face-to-face for whatever reason, I would be more than happy to gather information through email, over the phone, or I can send you a pre-arrangement packet that allows you to write down all of the information on your own time. I am always here to help. Contact information: Adrienne Kloecker-Kalivoda Cell: 814-431-3492 Office: 814-454-0156 Email: akloecker11@yahoo.com God Bless and Stay Safe, Adrienne Kloecker-Kalivoda Bringing a New Face to the Funeral Business

When the country was shut down in March, Funeral Directors were clearly essential workers. Yes, we may have been deemed “essential”, but our industry will forever be changed because of this pandemic. In that moment, traditional funerals were taken away from us, church services were taken away from us, family gatherings were taken away from us, families were stripped of giving their loved ones the funeral they deserved. At the beginning, I knew that funerals would be affected in a couple different ways. Some families would start to use Covid-19 to avoid having a public funeral for their loved one. Others would turn to direct cremation without having any services. Some would have direct burials without any type of funeral. All of these options are understandable given the circumstances and wanting to be as safe as possible. But most people, while not being allowed to have a public funeral, would realize how important and necessary the funeral is when it comes to the grieving process. Let's start with The Ugly. I can say from personal experience that seeing is believing. When a family decides to have direct cremation with no viewing or visiting hours beforehand, it is hard to believe that the person is actually gone. I truly believe that the experience of seeing your loved one, not in the hospital bed, not in the hospital gown, but in their normal wear and looking natural (if you choose Kloecker Funeral Home), it will bring you to terms with the death. This experience starts the grieving process. Unfortunately, Covid-19 has pushed people away from this option. So many family members live out of town and Covid-19 has prohibited some people from traveling. When the majority of family members won’t be able to make the funeral, many families do not see a need for a funeral at all. Moving on to The Ugly. This past May, my Aunt Connie passed away from a sudden brain aneurism. She spent almost a month in a coma as we prayed for a miracle from afar. She was in a hospital in Virginia and I wasn’t able to go visit her during those weeks leading up to her death. I knew that I had to see her laying in the casket in order to come to terms with the loss. It was one of the most difficult experiences of my life trying to juggle my responsibilities as a funeral director but also grieving one of my favorite Aunts. On top of it all, this happened during this pandemic. My family knows the value of a funeral and although the visiting hours were private, our family was able to gather and hold a Catholic Funeral Mass for Aunt Connie. I cannot say it enough, I will always preach about being able to have that final goodbye. When families do not have that opportunity or they decide to go without, it makes the grieving process much harder. Although Covid-19 has been detrimental to many different industries, it is important to find The Good in every situation. Covid-19 has really pushed our industry in technology, whether some funeral directors like it or not. Family members not being able to travel and attend the funeral services has brought about live-streaming. Before Covid-19, it was rare and almost a little weird if people were FaceTiming or Zooming or Facebook live-streaming the funeral. Now it is the new norm. The families that we have served since March have been very creative when it comes to technology. In March, we had a family whose Pastor had health issues and did not want to go out in public. I ended up putting him on speaker through the phone in order to give the service (it was last minute and definitely could have been handled differently, but it worked). In July, a daughter of the deceased could not travel to her mother’s funeral. She pre-recorded a reading and her eulogy, and it was played over the speaker during the service. That same family held the funeral outdoors in the grass area of the church, a great solution to social distancing while taking advantage of some good Erie summer weather. The picture above was taken at that outdoor funeral. Another positive outcome from this pandemic is how our funeral director community is handling the circumstance. The Erie Crawford County Funeral Directors Association met several times over the course of the pandemic to share ideas and help each other through this process. It was great to see all of us working together to figure out the best ways to serve our families while staying safe. Many aspects of the funeral industry have changed over the course of these nine months, some good, some bad, and some ugly. As I look back, we have already found new ways to make funerals more accessible to family and friends, and it shows that there is still value left in the funeral. I hope that we can continue to bring that value to our families and future families that we serve. God Bless and Stay Safe, Adrienne Kloecker-Kalivoda Bringing a New Face to the Funeral Business

In 1996, my grandfather, Francis V. Kloecker, Jr. built his dream camp on a piece of land given to him by his Father. It sits up on a small hill overlooking the Six Mile Creek in Harborcreek, PA. We have one very unique design inside the camp. Above the mantle, there is a gorgeous oak lid to a full size casket with the handles on either side of the lid, soaring up to the top of the cathedral ceiling. It’s only appropriate for a funeral director to include this type of furnishing inside his camp. Ever since I can remember, every time we brought a friend to our camp for the first time, we would tell him or her that my great-grandfather is inside the casket on the wall. Each person is always shocked and kind of disturbed! Of course, after a few minutes of convincing, we then laugh it off and tell them that we are just joking. When you think about it, many people actually do have their family members up on the mantel, the difference is that their loved one is in an urn instead of a full size casket. Many people don’t understand and most times have never been explained the different options of what to do with cremated remains. There are three main options when it comes handling your loved ones cremated remains. The first option is scattering or spreading the cremated remains. Many people love this option. It doesn’t cost anything extra and it can be a very personalized experience. Let’s say your loved one always spent time at his/her camp, spreading cremated remains at the camp would be the perfect spot. Many people create a little area with memory stones or plant a tree at the place that the cremains were spread. If you are thinking of spreading cremains in a public place, you need to ask permission. There is a great article on CJ Twomey, who passed away in 2010. Since his death, CJ’s cremated remains have been scattered in more than 100 countries. His cremains were even sent into space! The link to the article can be found at the end of the blog. Scattering is a very personal decision for the family or for yourself. Another option is keeping the cremains at home. We often do not see families keeping all of the cremains in one urn or container at one home. Typically there are two or more family members involved and each person usually wants their own portion of the cremains. Nowadays there are so many different urns, small mementos, necklaces, rings, and even customized glass blown decorative pieces with cremains inside. You can take a look at the Wilbert selection that we offer for cremation choices, just click on the link at the end of the blog. Finally, cremated remains can be placed into the ground at a cemetery plot or into a columbarium niche. Both of these options are more permanent locations for the cremated remains. I say “more permanent” because there is always an option to move the cremains out of that location. Most of our cemeteries in Erie, PA have one or multiple columbariums to put cremated remains inside. A columbarium is a large wall-like structure that have separated spaces, or what we call niches, for cremated remains to go inside. The costs that apply to using a columbarium niche include: 1. Purchasing the niche itself. 2. Opening and closing costs at the time of death. 3. Engraving the front of the niche usually with full name, date of birth, and date of death. *For actual costs of niche and engraving, contact the cemetery of your choice. Ground burial of cremated remains has similar cemetery costs. Some cemeteries have cremation plots available instead of buying a full sized plot. Although it is not required by most cemeteries, many families choose to purchase a cemetery marker or stone for the grave. Geiger & Sons in Erie, PA, will always be our go-to, family-owned business for cemetery monuments. They always do an excellent job, and have been trusted by our family for generations. If you are trying to decide what you want to happen with your cremated remains when the time comes, I have three words of advise… Write It Down! Make your wishes known on paper and discuss it with your family or with whomever will be in charge of the decisions when the time comes. Too often I hear from families, “I don’t know what Mom wanted.” or “Does Dad have a cemetery plot?”. Leave your family with some direction and write it down. If you are looking to be even more proactive, you are welcome to schedule an appointment with me and even pre-pay for all of your funeral wishes. Bringing a New Face to the Funeral Business Adrienne Kloecker

I had a very different blog prepared for the end of March, but I think this topic is a more pressing issue in our world today. There are many rumors about the funeral industry and what we can and cannot do during this time of the COVID-19 restrictions. I thought I should clear some things up regarding our business and how things will be handled on our end. It is important to note that these regulations are based on CDC, the National Funeral Director Association, and the Pennsylvania Health Department. First of all, our safety and the safety of the families we serve are of the utmost importance. The funeral industry as a whole has been in contact with the CDC regarding what is safe for funeral home employees and for the families coming into our buildings. Because we do not know whether or not a deceased person has COVID-19, we will be treating every person as if they do have the virus. During removals we will be using personal protective equipment, as we always do, and we will place cotton sprayed with disinfectant over the deceased person’s face. As of now, the CDC does not know if we can contract the virus after the person has died, but they suggest taking these precautions. In Pennsylvania, there are no restrictions to burying a person who has died from COVID-19. So it will still be up to the family regarding if they want to have a burial or cremation. Now, when it comes to visitation during this time, we are not allowed to have public viewing. We are limited to a gathering of ten people or less for the visiting, the funeral service, and even for the graveside service. The CDC recommends that the family and friends refrain from touching and kissing the deceased during this time, especially if the deceased was infected with COVID-19. As you can see, we are still able to hold funerals, graveside services, and even visitation, but we are limited to the number of people. Last Friday, we held a small family only funeral service at the funeral home. The Pastor was contacted by the family earlier that week, but on the day of the service, he decided that it was not the best decision for him to attend a gathering. I had to think on my feet, what was the best way to provide a meaningful service for this family. The family was a predominately Spanish-speaking family and I knew that anything I put together was not going to be the best option. So I called the Pastor back and asked him if he could do the service over the speaker. Both of us were a little uneasy about it, but I knew it was the best option for the family. The Pastor conducted his service over the speaker phone, and I could feel that the family was able to get some closure to the sudden loss of a Father, Brother, Uncle, and Friend. I think during a time like this, families are going to realize now more than ever, how important funerals are for our society. No one looks forward to the day when they have to plan a funeral for their loved one. If that day comes during this COVID-19 crisis and public gatherings are taken from them, it will be ten times harder for the family to gain closure and begin that grieving process. Many funeral homes across the country are having facebook live funeral services. We are definitely capable of providing this service for our families. Through our website friends of the family have the ability to submit online condolences and send flowers to the funeral home. If you know someone who has lost a loved one during this time, please reach out to them. We will get through this, we will adapt to the changes, but I pray that we find a cure to this virus very very soon. Bringing a New Face to the Funeral Industry Adrienne Kloecker