A few weeks ago, I was meeting with a family and I brought up writing an obituary. The family couldn’t decide whether or not they wanted an obituary. I let them think for a moment, and then I said to them, your daughter lived a life, it is worth reflecting on that life and having this obituary to remember her.
Recently, I have found myself thinking about the importance of obituaries and how technology has changed the way we view obituaries. Let’s go back to the definition. Oxford Dictionaries defines an obituary as “a notice of a death, especially in a newspaper, typically including a brief biography of the deceased person.” It was only about twenty years ago that it was common for the obituary to be run in the newspaper for two or three days. The newspaper was the best form of communication to inform people of the death and to announce when and where the services would take place. There are a few other important reasons to write an obituary. Many people search obituaries for genealogy purposes. The obituary typically lists the parents' names, the children’s names, and many other relatives to the deceased. Another benefit of an obituary is to document the cemetery information. Lastly, the obituary pays tribute to the life lived, often highlighting the person's career, hobbies, and characteristics that they will be remembered for.
We are now at a point where many do not receive the local paper; this decline has caused some changes in how we view obituaries. We rarely have families place an obituary in the paper for more than a day since prices have doubled in the last 5 years. We have more families who choose to place the obituary on our website for free, rather than spending nearly $400 on average for a published obituary that many won’t even see. I fully believe that obituaries are a necessity, but we are moving away from the traditional newspaper edition. On our website there is no word count, no limit to the amount of pictures, and we can personalize the background. Visitors that read the obituary can leave messages or a memory for the family; they can even send flowers or a sympathy gift right from our website. Family and friends can share the obituary on Facebook, Twitter, or email. The form of communication may have changed, but the content of the obituary still remains the same. On our website you can even subscribe to the obituary listings, which means that every time we post an obituary you will receive an email notification. If you do not receive the paper, this is a great way to keep informed about friends and relatives that have passed away.
Online obituaries have given families the freedom to write the obituary they want, to tell the story of the person’s life without constraints and without worrying about increasing costs by line. Below is a template of a typical obituary and some ideas of how to write the perfect obituary.
Every obituary starts with the person's full name, most put the age, and the date of death. For example:
John Smith, Jr., 89, of Erie, PA, passed away peacefully surrounded by his family on Sunday, December 26, 2021.
The second paragraph is about where and when the person was born, as well as the parents' names.
He was born in Erie, PA on March 29, 1932, a son of the late John Sr. and Jane (Miller) Smith.
The third paragraph gives us an overview of the person's life, the schools attended, career and where they worked, hobbies and interests, characteristics, accomplishments, church affiliations, and more.
John attended Blessed Sacrament grade school and went on to graduate from Cathedral Prep in 1950. After high school, he studied at Gannon University, where he met the love of his life, Mary. John graduated with a BS in Business Marketing and the next year married his beloved wife, Mary. John worked at General Electric for over thirty years before retiring in 1987. After retirement, John enjoyed bowling, fishing, and traveling. He was a parishioner of Blessed Sacrament Parish and member of the Ushers Society. John was a proud father of four sons, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John III. He loved spending time with his family especially going on trips to Florida. John was an amazing husband, father, and friend.
The fourth paragraph lists the people who have preceded in death.
In addition to his parents, John was preceded in death by his brother, Bob Smith.
The fifth paragraph lists the survivors, spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, and any extended family and friends that are important to mention.
John is survived by his wife, Mary, sons, Matthew Smith (Marie), Mark Smith (Linda), Luke Smith (Sarah), and John Smith III, six grandchildren, four siblings, and many nieces and nephews also survive.
The sixth paragraph informs the public of the funeral services day, time, and location.
Friends may call on Sunday at the Kloecker Funeral Home and Crematory, Inc. from 3pm until 7pm and are invited to the prayer service on Monday at the funeral home at 10:15am followed by the Funeral Mass at Blessed Sacrament at 11am. Burial will be at Calvary Cemetery.
Lastly, some families like to add a thank you to the nurses who cared for the deceased. Some families also add a place that people can donate in memory of the deceased.
The family would like to thank the nurses at St. Mary’s Asbury Nursing Home for taking such great care of John. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Blessed Sacrament Parish at 1626 W 26th St Erie, PA 16508.
This is just an example of how a typical obituary is written, but we never force a family to stay within those boundaries. Many families like to switch the order of the paragraphs, sometimes listing the family first. We strongly encourage writing an obituary because each and every person matters, every individual lives a life worth sharing, and that is reason enough. Consider writing your own obituary, your family will appreciate the help when the time comes. It also allows you to list what was most important to you. You can always send the obituary to our funeral home to keep on file, and we are always open to discussing arrangements with you.
God Bless and stay safe,
Adrienne M. Kloecker-Kalivoda
Bringing a New Face to the Funeral Business