It has been a year since the birth of my daughter, Theresa Rose. During this past year, I have done so much reflecting on the meaning of life and the importance of family, all the while, helping other families deal with their own pain through the death care industry.
I first have to talk about how grateful I am to have the gift of family. During the past couple years, the world has been surrounded by so many negative messages and we are constantly told how awful our world is. It is easy to fall into that trap of negativity. I wouldn’t say that I was trapped in that negativity per se, but I definitely took for granted all the good things in my life.
A few months ago, I was talking to a woman who is involved with helping families who have had a loved one commit suicide. She asked me if we, as funeral directors, have anyone to talk to while dealing with this type of situation. I was a bit confused with the question, so she rephrased it as, “How do you as a funeral director deal with the emotions involved in helping a family with a suicide.” I never had someone ask me how we deal with tough situations before. My response was that I am fortunate enough to work with my father, Mark, and my brother, Francis. We all support one another during tough situations, we cry together (sorry Francis and Dad for exposing your emotional side), and we discuss with each other the hurt we are feeling in these moments. For that, I am so grateful and I have to say I am blessed for having such a close bond with my family, who I have the privilege of calling co-workers.
That being said, having a daughter, a child, has definitely changed my point of view on my daily duties as a funeral director. It is hard not to pour your heart and soul into serving each family. They trust me with their loved one and they rely on me to guide them through the funeral process, which is the starting point of their grieving process. That is sometimes really heavy and emotionally draining; of course, that is part of the job. I have realized recently that each day I can do my very best to be the perfect funeral director for each family, but at the end of the day I am more importantly a Mother. I have to pour my heart and soul into being a good Mother, a good role model for my daughter, and a woman of faith in a world filled with darkness.
Earlier this year, God gave me a very challenging case at the funeral home. He asked me to care for a 4 month old baby girl who passed away unexpectedly. This was not the first time I have had to help a young grieving family, but this was the first time with a baby of my own at home. I cried a lot that week. I held my Theresa a lot that week, thanking God for the gift of my beautiful healthy baby, while I was taking care of another baby girl at the funeral home. The family asked me to do the service at the funeral home as well, and as much as it hurt and I really did not want to do the service, God gave me the strength to stand up in front of the family and pray for that precious baby. It was one of the hardest funerals I was a part of, but it was such an honor being able to help that family through such a devastating time.
Through this industry, I learn every day that the gift of family is above every other thing in this world. I am blessed to be reminded every day how important the love of family truly is and I thank God for that. I encourage you to forgive family often, to invite them to dinner, make that phone call you have been putting off for weeks—life is way too short. Let your family know you love them.
God Bless,
Adrienne Kloecker-Kalivoda
Bringing a New Face to the Funeral Business